the pleasure is all ours
Image by Milada Vigerova
by Amber Knox (they/them) | Edited by. Gaby Sanchez (they/she)
Kneeling at the altar of your softness,
Faith breathing inside of me, filling my lungs steadily
Until I realized I could not release.
My chest could not fall
Pushing yourself up against inside of me.
So close we were.
I didn’t know I was dying.
I’m filled up, I thought,
My body, completely filled with you.
Until finally oil slicked across my eyes
And all I could see was the iridescence.
Until the moment I went blind.
In the dark.
In the infinite space of the Alone.
I didn’t know I had to accept death to be okay
Until you started to leave my lungs, leaving the oil to slip away.
Still I knelt
Until I fell.
And here I am, on the floor.
With my heart finally being able to breathe.
Amber Knox is a trans queer and disabled human in Cape Town, but their true home is Online. Memes, education, and activism are their lifeblood. When not writing or scrolling you can find them playing video games, napping with their cat, and listening to way too many podcasts. (especially about cults!)
As a queer person, I had my concerns about having a child. When I first found out I was pregnant, which I doubted was possible given my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) being that — due to my PCOS, I was unaware that there was even a possibility of me having any children of my own. So it never crossed my mind.
The year I lost my ability to walk was the same year my family became fitness enthusiasts. While my body was betraying me, theirs were thriving — reaching new heights of strength and endurance.
These poems are inspired by my partner and the ins and outs of our queer relationship. I write with the hope of capturing fleeting moments of our lives together.
