Thanks for asking this Tshegofatso. I will admit that I also let life get in the way of me checking in on myself. I was doing quite poorly for a while a week ago. I couldn't even read or write, which put me 2 weeks behind on my dissertation. This episode was brought on by stress die to some temporary part-time work I'm doing. The episode is over now and I'm working on my schoolwork again thanks to my friend who talked me through it. Right now I have all these ideas in my head for my dissertation and I wish someone would take my brain apart, see all these ideas, and write my dissertation for me. I guess I have to remind myself that I have 2 more years to do this and to not stress about rushing to the finish line. Patience. That's what I need right now. Patience with my work, my process and most of all myself.

I grew up broke and that definitely impacted negatively on my relationship with money. When I have it, I buy "needs". As a full-time student with inconsistent part-time jobs, I'm always on the verge of having a zero balance. But I've learned to buy myself something nice every month (real coffee beans). It's always something that lasts the whole month if not more. It's the compromise I've made with myself between saving money and treating myself more kindly. Today, I woke up with my pay for this job I'm doing for my dissertation supervisor. Used half of it for a book that is a need for my research. Now I have to decide what to do with the rest. My locs haven't seen a salon in months, so I might decide that that is my something nice. I'll probably give the rest to my mother or contribute to the household in some way. Not the healthiest move but it's one I can live with at this stage of my life. If I get the funding I applied for next year, I know I'll part with a good chunk so my mother can pay her debts. It's not healthy to always give my mother money, which I always do. But I feel tied to doing it as a black child and as someone living in a single earner household.

I've just realised that I replied to talk about how I take care of myself, and not mentioned how I let others take care of me. Made me realise I need to let people in. I need to trust people more with my vulnerability.

I listen to music. The genre depends on my mood. Sometimes it's metal, sometimes it's soul. I've been going through woo woo music YouTube the past couple of days and finding new artists and Songs to add to my Spotify. Also, rereading books that make me happy is very important to me. Sometimes I skip to the parts of the book that bring me the most job and help my mood.

I've only had sex once during these past 2 years (hookup with an ex), and the cuddling after was unusual for me, but welcome. I haven't been able to touch anyone again since. I really missing holding hands. My last partner let me touch her and hold her hand a lot and I really appreciated that. I miss that.

I think isolation has made me not feel the desire for sex as much. It has been to the point where it's almost completely gone. But I don't mind. I love being naked with someone and touching/being touched without it being about sex.

I've been thinking about polyamory for quite a while. I think it's been in recognition of the fact that different people bring different things to your life, and it's impossible to get everything from one person. Also, who made this one woman, one person rule? It's stupid.