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by Amber Knox (they/them) | Edited by. Gaby Sanchez (they/she)

Image by Milada Vigerova

Kneeling at the altar of your softness,

Faith breathing inside of me, filling my lungs steadily

Until I realized I could not release.

My chest could not fall

Pushing yourself up against inside of me.

So close we were.

I didn't know I was dying.

I'm filled up, I thought,

My body, completely filled with you.

Until finally oil slicked across my eyes

And all I could see was the iridescence.

Until the moment I went blind.

In the dark.

In the infinite space of the Alone.

I didn't know I had to accept death to be okay

Until you started to leave my lungs, leaving the oil to slip away.

Still I knelt

Until I fell.

And here I am, on the floor.

With my heart finally being able to breathe.


Amber Knox is a trans queer and disabled human in Cape Town, but their true home is Online. Memes, education, and activism are their lifeblood. When not writing or scrolling you can find them playing video games, napping with their cat, and listening to way too many podcasts. (especially about cults!)

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